07:00 - "Chicken and Rice or Eggs and Toast?" (Quick mental debate: do I start eating Chinese meals? Nah, there will be enough of that after I land in China.) "Eggs and Toast please."

08:00 - Flight Enters Final Descent. Flying several hundred meters above China, all eyes are glued to the countryside below. For most on the flight, this is the first trip to China, so everyone is curious. Fortunately, the tower is inundated with flights and there is a 45 minute holding pattern in effect. Never before have so many people converged on Beijing. Typical thoughts during the wait include:

(1) [Looking out the window] Where are all the people I heard about?

      Answer: Just wait.

(2) Why is it so smoggy today?

      Answer: That isn't smog: it is pollution. Tonight when you blow your nose the snot will be black.

(3) Have I done anything that might get me turned away upon arrival?

      Answer: You better hope not!

08:45 - Plane "Hits" the Tarmac. Although I will not name them, several Chinese airlines are notorious for employing ex-military pilots who were not trained on airlines - such things happen when a country has the fastest growing airline industry, and none of the infrastructure to train enough pilots in time. Consequently, such flights tend to drop out of the sky like stones upon landing. Since most people will enter China on international airlines this will not be an issue.

09:00 - Gate Delays. There is a wait for your gate to open as there are too many planes on the tarmac.

09:30 - Smile for the Camera. Having stepped off the plane, with a vice-like grip on your passport, you pass the masked officials in white lab coats who are scanning you with advanced video equipment. Their concern? Bird flu. Don't worry, you come from a developed country that has not been plagued by bird flu.

10:00 - Holding Your Breath for Immigration. If you were one of those people who attended an anti-China protest, your stomach is doing flips while waiting to reach the immigration desk. There is no way of knowing who is on China's "black list" until you are denied entry and put on a return flight home.

10:30 - Lost Luggage at Baggage Claim. No city in China has ever seen such a massive influx of people, so there will be lost luggage. The first time I arrived in China both my bags were lost. What's worse is that the bags were lost separately. While one of my bags was "located" six days later, the second bag took six weeks. Pray this doesn't happen to you, but if it does, relax: everything is cheap in China and most of your belongings were manufactured here anyway.

11:00 - Standing in "Line" for a Taxi. Firstly, (and most importantly) ignore the black market taxis vying for your business. The government is always cracking down as these private cars are notorious for over-charging foreigners, but where there is money to be made (and people to be "had") there will be those looking to take advantage. Instead, head to the lengthy queue for registered taxis, but don't be surprised when people start cutting you in line.

11:15 - Directions to the Hotel. This is a critical moment, so hand over the printed page containing directions to your hotel. MAKE SURE your bags are in the trunk and it is closed properly. Then, climb into the taxi (it is normal to ride in the front seat) and insist on using the meter. Lastly, buckle your seat belt.

11:30 - Conversing with the Taxi Driver. Every taxi driver in China is preparing a list of useful English phrases, so sit back and relax as they display their long-heralded Chinese friendliness. However, don't be surprised when the driver doesn't understand your responses - especially if you are trying to speak Mandarin. Mandarin is a tonal language, which means that unless you were trained by a professional or used tapes, no one will understand what you are saying. Further, most people will never even realize you are trying to speak Chinese.

12:00 - Hotel Worries. Surprise, surprise: the hotel is over-booked. But don't worry, they have a room for you on the sixth floor. You now have a haven to which you can "escape" when the Beijing heat and madness becomes too much.

12:30 - Collecting Yourself. After putting down your bags and plopping down on the bed, you flip on the television and have your first look at Chinese television. Most people will settle on CCTV 5, which features (censored) English news. As you relax, you realize that the day hasn't been so bad. However, you have only seen the Chinese world through windows, so you decide to shower and head out to explore part of the city.

13:30 - Setting Out to Explore Beijing. Make sure to dress in loose clothes as Beijing will be unbearably hot in August. Stop by the front desk or the concierge to pick up a map. You decide on visiting the "Back Lakes" where there are many restaurants and a pleasant ambience. Have the concierge write the Chinese characters on a slip of paper, and before leaving make sure you have an hotel card on you.

13:45 - Picking a Taxi. When you walk outside you will be approached by private drivers speaking very good English. They will offer to take you on a tour of all the big sights and will wait for you every part of the way. But you will not fall victim to this, you will follow the rules from above and take only registered taxis.

14:30 - First Taste of Chinese Food. The driver drops you off in the midst of a mob of people. Welcome to the "Back Lakes," which are heralded as a quiet retreat, but are anything but that. Choose one of the many restaurants with English-speaking staff and English menus. You are feeling ambitious and excited about the prospect of being in China, so you eagerly decide on Chinese food for lunch. Sitting down to order, you take your first look at one of China's many hilarious menus. Then, order the kind of food you remember from the local Chinese take-out place back home. Or be adventurous, but be careful...

15:00 - Chopsticks, Bones, and Table Manners. Welcome to the world of chopsticks! They are brilliant, but it may be frustrating to use them at first. If so, use the large white spoon provided to help scoop the food. As for the bones in your food, learn your lesson! Next time order dishes without bones in them. As for today, do as the Chinese and simply spit the bones directly onto the table.

16:00 - Paying for Lunch. There is no need to tip, don't worry. However, cash is king in China.

16:15 - An Interactive Zoo. That is the best way to describe what it is like walking around Beijing for the first time. You are free to look, stare, gawk, and even laugh. Chances are good that the Chinese will be doing the same to you. Some may even approach you looking to take a picture together. Do not be shy, the Chinese are amazing in their friendliness. You will probably end up making a very good friend. (Yes, it is THAT easy.)

17:00 - Your First Purchase. No matter how much I stress this, everyone will ignore the following advice: there is no rush to buy on the first day. EVERYTHING you see today can be found tomorrow. The longer you wait, the more confident you become about how much it SHOULD cost, and the less likely you are to paying over the top. However, since things are so cheap anyway, most buy at will. Heed the following advice: divide all prices by four and be firm. Shocking, but effective.

18:00 - Starbucks. Call me a cynic, but most people will end up here. They can't help themselves, I guess.

19:30 - Jet Lag. The coffee didn't work. Time to return to the hotel.

20:30 - A Full Chinese Dinner. Probably served in bed via room service.

21:00 - Exhale.